Reality Denial
25 dispatchesin this flavour of idiocy. Each one: a real story, stated plainly — then an editorial that can't keep a straight face.
Celebrity Gossip Site Calls 2026 Brazilian Election for 80-Year-Old Incumbent
Entertainment website Just Jared reported that Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, 80, has won reelection as president of Brazil, defeating Flávio Bolsonaro in the 2026 election. The article identifies Lula by his common…
Financial Journalism Discovers 1,692 Shares Exist, Declares It News
Neuberger Disrupters ETF saw short interest decline from 3,130 shares on September 15 to 1,438 shares on September 30, a 54.1% decrease. The short position represents approximately 0.0% of shares outstanding. The data…
Kremlin Reassures World That Plague Outbreak Is 'Not Great, Not Terrible' — Chernobyl Script Still Loaded
POLITICO reported that a plague incident in Irkutsk has renewed concerns over Russian transparency, citing a historical pattern of state secrecy around public-health emergencies. The outlet noted the Kremlin's standard…
Bond Market Discovers Gravity; AI Stocks Declare Themselves Exempt
The 10-year Treasury yield reached 5.34%, its highest level since 2002, pressuring equity valuations across most sectors. Market participants are debating the threshold at which higher borrowing costs will meaningfully…
Financial Press Breathlessly Covers 0.1% of ETF Shares Changing Their Minds
FlexShares International Quality Dividend Index Fund (NYSEARCA:IQDF) saw short interest decline from 93,845 shares on August 31 to 25,958 shares on September 15, a decrease of 72.3%. The short position represented…
Science Finally Confirms What Sally Hemings Told Everyone 200 Years Ago
Researchers analyzed a preserved lock of Thomas Jefferson's hair and confirmed a genetic match with descendants of Sally Hemings, the enslaved woman who bore several of his children. The findings align with the 1998 DNA…
Markets Celebrate AI Boom While Ignoring the Missiles Flying Overhead
Asian stock markets edged higher on Monday as strong demand for artificial intelligence infrastructure supported semiconductor shares. Oil prices eased despite heightened Middle East tensions following Houthi attacks on…
Short Sellers Suddenly Remember NVDA Only Goes Up, Flee 2x Inverse ETF in Panic
GraniteShares 2x Short NVDA Daily ETF reported short interest of 2,986,156 shares as of August 31, a decline of 49.9% from the August 15 total of 5,962,961 shares. The fund trades with an average daily volume of…
CERN Physicist Reveals Universe Failed Peer Review
Daniel Whiteson, an experimental particle physicist at UC Irvine and regular researcher at CERN's Large Hadron Collider, participated in a video interview published on September 4, 2026. The interview, hosted by Danny…
Short Sellers Finally Realize Betting Against Cash-Adjacent ETF Is Just Lighting Money on Fire Slowly
Short interest in the PIMCO Enhanced Short Maturity Exchange-Traded Fund (NYSEARCA:MINT) fell to 137,856 shares as of August 14, a 68.5% decline from the July 30 total of 437,695 shares. The fund's average daily trading…
Wall Street Punishes Applied Materials for Crime of Beating Expectations Too Modestly
Applied Materials reported third-quarter earnings and revenue that exceeded analyst estimates and issued strong guidance for the current quarter. Despite the beat, the company's shares declined in after-hours trading.…
American250: King George III Finally Gets the Memo, 250 Years Late
On August 10, 1776, King George III of Great Britain received official word that the American colonies had declared independence on July 4. The declaration had been adopted by the Continental Congress in Philadelphia…
Cuba Achieves Consistency: Sixth National Blackout Confirms Grid Runs on Hope
Cuba's entire electrical grid went down on Sunday, marking the sixth nationwide blackout of 2026. The outage left the country without power as authorities worked to restore service. Officials have not provided a…
Tournament Officials Shocked That 46-Year-Old With 12-Game Losing Streak Loses 13th
Kamilla Rakhimova of Uzbekistan defeated Venus Williams 6-4, 6-1 in a rain-delayed first-round match at the WTA 1000 National Bank Open on Sunday. Williams, 46, received a wild-card entry into the main draw and has now…
Federal Water Managers Discover Colorado River Has Finite Water, Act Surprised
The Bureau of Reclamation released a revised operations plan for the Colorado River following the expiration of the 2007 Interim Guidelines that governed water allocations among seven basin states. The new framework…
Steve Madden Discovers Calendar Still Works, Announces Q2 Existed
Steven Madden, Ltd. announced financial results for the second quarter ended June 30, 2026. The company, a designer and marketer of fashion-forward footwear, accessories and apparel, issued the release via financial…
Market Punishes SK hynix for Committing the Sin of Profitability
South Korean chipmaker SK hynix reported record earnings for the second quarter of 2026. Despite the strong financial performance, the company's shares declined on the Seoul stock exchange. The earnings beat analyst…
Burnham Hunts Cross-Party Unicorn for Social Care; Tories Insist It Eats Only Magic Beans
Andy Burnham has urged political parties to agree on a long-term settlement for adult social care in England. The Prime Minister has pledged to deliver a lasting solution. The Conservative Party has stated it will not…
India Today Publishes Action Plan for Capricorns: Settle Government Business on Auspicious Fasting Day
India Today published a Capricorn daily horoscope for July 10, 2026, which advised readers born between December 22 and January 19 to accelerate plans for managerial expansion and focus on emotional balance. The…
Hollywood Discovers China Runs on Sunshine and Good Intentions, Not Coal
The Gateway Pundit reported that Hollywood personalities have been promoting China as the first 'petro-zero economy.' The outlet stated this portrayal conflicts with available energy statistics and described the pattern…
Centre Discovers AI Exists, Orders States to Panic Responsibly
The Centre has directed all ministries, states, union territories, and key financial regulators to urgently strengthen their cybersecurity frameworks and review vulnerabilities in digital infrastructure. The advisory…
APA Issues Safety Manual for Humans Who've Already Replaced Their Friends With LLMs
The American Psychological Association reported that psychologists are seeing increasing numbers of patients seeking mental health support from AI companions. The APA has issued recommendations for maintaining…
Daily Express Discovers Hypersonic Travel for the Twelfth Time This Decade
The Daily Express published an article on June 27, 2026, reporting that a plane capable of 3,800 mph — roughly five times the speed of Concorde — could reduce flight times to Australia. The piece cites ongoing…
Japan Discovers Deficit-Free Tax Cuts, Economists Check Calendar for April 1
The Japanese government will implement a reduction in food taxes without resorting to deficit-covering bond issuance, according to a report from The Japan Times. The decision aligns with a fiscal approach Prime Minister…
Leningrad governor announces there is no fuel shortage, from inside a fuel shortage
Governor Alexander Drozdenko said “supplies are being delivered according to plan, there are no shortages,” adding that isolated complaints did not reflect the overall situation. At the time, 55 of Russia’s 83 regions…