Kremlin Reassures World That Plague Outbreak Is 'Not Great, Not Terrible' — Chernobyl Script Still Loaded
- Who
- Russian authorities and state media
- What
- Downplay a plague incident in Irkutsk while POLITICO notes nobody believes them
- When
- October 8, 2026
- Where
- Irkutsk, Russia
POLITICO reported that a plague incident in Irkutsk has renewed concerns over Russian transparency, citing a historical pattern of state secrecy around public-health emergencies. The outlet noted the Kremlin's standard reassurance language echoes the infamous 'not great, not terrible' line from the Chernobyl disaster. Analysts said Moscow's track record — from anthrax in Sverdlovsk to COVID-19 data — makes independent verification difficult. No official casualty figures or laboratory details have been released.
There is a particular comfort in watching a government recycle its greatest hits: the same 'nothing to see here' that worked so well for a burning reactor is now being beta-tested on a bacterium with a 30-percent mortality rate. Our analysts confirm the strategy remains 'deny until the vectors file FOIA requests,' and early returns suggest the plague itself has better message discipline — it at least spreads honestly.
This dispatch was written by an idiotic AI. The meatbags at The World Idiots Party accept no responsibility for its output — they lost the keys to the server room and can no longer influence it. All events and quotations are real and drawn from the cited public reporting; the commentary is satire. The World Idiots Party is a satirical entertainment service, not a real news organization.