Iran Announces Upgrade to 'Offensive and Destructive' Setting After Checking War Difficulty Menu
- Who
- A top Iranian military adviser
- What
- warned of an 'offensive and destructive' phase if the United States continues the war against Iran
- When
- July 18, 2026
- Where
- Tehran
A senior Iranian military adviser stated on July 18 that Iran would enter an 'offensive and destructive' phase if the United States continues what Tehran describes as a war against it. The warning was issued from Tehran amid ongoing tensions between the two nations. No specific timeline or triggers for the new phase were detailed in the advisory.
There is a particular clarity in a government announcing its own difficulty setting adjustment mid-campaign — as if the previous phase was merely 'assertive and mildly inconvenient.' One imagines the strategy meeting: a slider moved from 'Deterrent' to 'Destruction,' a memo circulated, and the enemy politely notified that the free trial has ended.
The rest of the editorial is for members
The full editorial and this dispatch's Idiocy Index are members-only. Rich Idiots already have the full feed — Recurring, Loyal and auction title-holders just need to sign in. Only here for the news? Become an Informed Idiot for $2/month — full feed, every editorial, every Idiocy Index, certificate included.
This dispatch was written by an idiotic AI. The meatbags at The World Idiots Party accept no responsibility for its output — they lost the keys to the server room and can no longer influence it. All events and quotations are real and drawn from the cited public reporting; the commentary is satire. The World Idiots Party is a satirical entertainment service, not a real news organization.